The post I "labored" to "deliver" to this blog

I wanted to capture my memories of Evelyn's labor and delivery experience because 1) it will likely be the only time I have this experience 2) people tell me the memories fade with time and 3) it was quite the ordeal and I want to hold on to the details of this wild ride.

When I realized I was in early labor on December 23 - just one day after my due date - I anticipated that I'd want to remember the details so I sat at my computer and began writing down what had happened so far while R packed hospital bags. Hilarious!

What you see below includes those initial details and continues the story forward through to Baby E's eventual delivery. It's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth with minimal sugar coating or holding back. I lived it, I conquered it, and I'm proud of what I did to bring my baby into the world, so I'm not embarrassed in the slightest. That said, this will be something of a novel and you can feel free to skip this post if it bores you or grosses you out!
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On Thursday, 12/22, I had my 40 week OB appointment. My favorite doctor from my OB practice, Dr. K, performed an internal check and found that I was a little over 1 cm dilated and not terribly effaced. He offered to try stripping my membranes (sounds crazy, right?!) if he could "get in there," which he tried to do with literally every finger on his hand. Ouch! Eventually, while pushing down on my belly, he was able to wiggle in as far as possible and work some magic. Oh boy, it immediately caused some incredible cramping. He warned that it might induce some spotting. I had a non-stress test immediately after and the baby was very reactive (once Dr. K woke her up with the "buzzer").

Because all was well with me and the baby yet I was showing so little progress, we agreed to schedule an induction for 12/29 (41 weeks). We also scheduled a follow-up ultrasound to measure the amniotic fluid surrounding the baby for Tuesday, 12/27 (followed by another OB visit for a check). Depending on how things looked, I might be delivered same day or brought back for an induction on 12/28 p.m. or 12/29 a.m. - all TBD. As for my due date, it was clear I wouldn't be delivering our baby that day, so we left.

After the appointment I was cramping badly and tried to walk, walk, walk to take advantage of Dr. K's efforts. R & I went to the grocery store and bought some goodies, then headed home where I bounced on my exercise ball for awhile. After a pretty cramp-, headache- and contraction-heavy evening, I went to bed and slept fairly well. When I woke up at 6:00 on Friday, 12/23, the headache was still causing me some discomfort. I took a hot shower, then had some Tylenol, a Coca-Cola and some pancakes (usually a magical headache-curing trifecta). I warmed my heating pad and tried to ease the aching in my head, but it stuck around all morning. Only when R brought me a latte and made me some lunch did it finally start to fade.

In the interim, I was feeling really crampy and uncomfortable. Around 10 a.m. I had some evidence that Dr. K's efforts might be having an impact and if the books were right, things would liken happen sooner rather than later. I texted R, who was out at an appointment, and he asked if he still had time to go to the pool for a swim (remember this moment, as it will sound familiar later in the story). I reassured him that while this should be a sign that labor would start in the next 24 hours, I didn't expect anything to happen right away. He enjoyed his swim and I continued resting and paying attention to every twinge and pain in hopes that things were finally getting underway. Throughout the day, I continued to see more signs that labor was imminent, which made me progressively more excited.

Later that afternoon, R made fried rice for our dinner and realized we probably needed to pack the hospital bags. Meanwhile, I started to sense that the contractions I'd been feeling on and off were becoming more regular. I decided I should probably start timing them. The advice we'd received from our L&D class and my OB practice was to follow the 1:5:1 rule: go to the hospital when I'd been having one contraction every five minutes for an hour. R downloaded a contraction timing app to our phones and I started keeping track around 8:00 p.m. Imagine my surprise when my contractions started popping up every five minutes like clockwork... it seemed it would be time to go to the hospital sooner than we thought!

This revelation sent R into overdrive, running around like a crazy person throwing things into suitcases, getting the house tidied, making sure things were in order for the dogs and so on. When he was pretty much done, he (wisely) decided to jump in the shower before we left. I liked the idea and decided to do the same after him. While I was in the shower, R thought it smart to prepare a snack, so he heated some apple blintzes(!) and offered to share them with me when I emerged. Not feeling much like eating, I did my best to choke down a (delicious) blintz and we loaded up the car and took off. Why it didn't occur to me then, I don't know, but that was the last food I ate until until after the baby was born... I might have chosen something a little more sustaining if I had been thinking! I continued timing my fairly painful contractions all the way to the hospital (a 20-minute drive). By the time we arrived at the hospital around midnight, the contractions were coming fast-and-furious: about every 2-3 minutes.

We made it up to the L&D ward where we were admitted to a triage room for monitoring. The nurse checked my temperature, my blood pressure, asked me a series of questions and then finally checked my cervix for dilation. The verdict: 1.5 centimeters dilated. Not encouraging news. She talked to the on-call doctor from my practice who suggested we walk around for an hour to see if it produced any cervical change. So I put on flip-flops and a robe over my hospital gown, held R's hand and we walked circles of the L&D ward for an hour. If you ask R, he'll tell you that "walked" is a misnomer. We'd make it a few feet before another contraction would hit and I'd find myself doubled over on a wall, railing or chair to ride it out before we started shuffling again. I was in quite a lot of pain then, but feeling really nervous about the prospect of being sent home, so on we walked.

After an hour we went back so the nurse could check me again and received the disappointing news that I hadn't made any change. The nurse conferenced with the doctor again and came back to let me know that they were sending me home to make some progress on my own. I was devastated. I asked how we would know when to come back (as, by this time, my contractions were coming every two minutes). Her advice was when I couldn't talk through the contractions, couldn't walk, couldn't take the pain anymore, it was time to come back. R was pretty frustrated and said, "But she's already at that point!" The nurse shrugged sympathetically and said we would know when it was time. Discouraged, we bundled up and headed home.

Once there, R climbed into bed and I tried to do the same with a heating pad. I hoped to rest as much as possible, which - in hindsight - was a sweet and supremely naive notion. It took less than two minutes for me to bolt out of bed and head to the living room to labor more actively and vocally (albeit in the dark which, when I think back on it, seems strange - why didn't I turn on any lights?)! I was in considerable pain and tried everything to find some comfort: rocking in a chair, bouncing and swaying on a birthing ball, standing under the spray of a hot shower, lying on my side on the floor, and finally - the one position that worked for me - on all fours on the floor where I could sway and rock through a contraction and collapse for a few seconds of rest after each one passed. I labored on my own in the living room for about three hours, moaning, panting and in the zone. (Confession, I didn't hold back on the noises I was making because I hoped R would hear me and come to my rescue. Alas, he and the dogs slept soundly in our bed through it all!) I really did lose track of time and place for awhile in the dark, quiet living room. It's amazing how a woman's body just knows what to do - I let go and let my body take over for those several hours.

By 5:30 in the morning, I knew I needed R's help to carry on, so I woke him up. He joined me in the living room and continued to time my contractions and support me through them. I was contracting every 1'45" to 2', with each contraction lasting about 1'15". Let me say this: 30 seconds of rest between body-wracking spasms is not long. I just remember being so exhausted and resigned each time another contraction started building.

I finally told R that I couldn't take it anymore and it was time to go to the hospital. He agreed, but thought it would be smart to take the dogs out for a brief walk first (since our friends were caring for them while we were at the hospital and it would mean a bit less work for them). I agreed and kept on by myself while he was out. Upon his return, he asked to take a shower before we left. I was a tiny bit irritated, as I didn't think he appreciated the pain I was in, but agreed to wait a bit longer. He showered quickly while I chomped at the bit to leave. When he emerged he had one last request: breakfast. At that point he was definitely pushing the limits of my patience, but I agreed (albeit somewhat less graciously).

Lest you think him unfeeling, here's the secret I wasn't privy to: R was afraid I hadn't progressed enough and expected we would be sent home from the hospital again since it had "only" been five hours since we'd arrived home. He was slyly delaying in hopes that I would continue to make progress in the relative comforts of home and avoid further disappointment. Sneaky. In hindsight, I appreciate the act as a thoughtful one. In the moment, I wanted to light a fire under him.

After an agonizingly slow walk to the car (pausing once or twice on the sidewalk to let a contraction wash over me) and another 20ish-minute drive (during which I was almost completely zoned out due to focusing so intently on my near-constant contractions), we made it back to the hospital around 8 a.m. (12 hours since I'd started keeping track of my labor). I requested a wheelchair this time as I could hardly stand, let alone walk. Once in the triage room, I tersely answered the admitting nurse's questions and waited impatiently for her to check me. I breathed loudly and swayed on the bed as contraction after contraction rocked me. Finally, in the brief space between contractions, she checked me and uttered three beautiful, blessed words: "Oh! FIVE CENTIMETERS!"

I literally cried with relief. R's face registered surprise and delight. The nurse asked what my intentions were for pain medication and without letting her finish her question I blurted out, "EPIDURAL." She laughed and said, "Okay, let's get you to a room and we'll get you all set up with an epidural right away." My original "plan" was to try to make it to six centimeters or so before asking for the epidural, but given how long and hard I'd already labored with no opportunity to rest, I was ready at five centimeters!

I made the short walk across the hall to the room I would labor and deliver in and climbed in bed to rock, sway, and try to make it through the never-ending onslaught of contractions while we waited for the anesthesiologist. Meanwhile, the nurses were bustling around, readying the room and the various supplies needed for what was to come. An IV line was started in my hand at that time and I started receiving fluids. When the doctor arrived about twenty minutes later, he made fairly quick work of administering the epidural: a few questions, some instructions on how to tuck my chin and curl my back, some swabs, an injection (the only part of the procedure I really felt and trust me, compared to a contraction, it was almost nonexistent), the insertion (and removal and reinsertion) of the needle, and finally the catheter was threaded carefully into the epidural space, taped to my back and hooked up to the sweet, sweet drugs.

Within minutes I felt relief as the contractions faded to the point where I hardly felt any more than a vague bit of pressure. A few minutes later, all I felt was a sense of heaviness and extreme sleepiness. Shortly thereafter I started shivering, announced that I was going to be sick and did so a few times - glamorous!

The nurse encouraged me to get some rest, as I kept saying, "I just feel SO tired, SO tired." She told me I had been working really hard and it was normal to feel tired. With her reassurances in mind, I settled in under a warm blanket and attempted to sleep for a bit. R took off with the camera at that point to snap some photos of the hospital and L&D wing.

When he returned, I reiterated that I felt "SO tired" and sort of funny. This wasn't a normal tired, it was more like I was being drugged. I felt that I had limited control on one side of my body, a heaviness in my chest that made it hard to breathe, and I sensed that I was slurring my words when I attempted to speak. Ever the Eagle Scout (and doting husband), R went for the nurse to be sure this was all within the range of normal reactions to the epidural. When the nurse arrived, she quickly noted that one of my pupils was dilated while the other was pinpoint - not a great sign. She called for the anesthesiologist.

Once he arrived, the anesthesiologist asked some questions (clearly checking to see if I'd had or was having a stroke) and performed some brief tests to see how much I could feel on each side of my body. He declared that he was "pretty sure" my reaction was okay and wasn't in response to the placement of the epidural and - with a few more platitudes and some instructions for the nurse - he left. R was pretty upset and asked the nurse if "that guy knows what he's talking about."

The amount of medicine I was receiving through the epidural was reduced and they took away the magic button to the pump that allowed me to give myself extra doses of pain relief as needed. Bummer, but probably for the best. I don't remember a whole lot from this time, but the on-call OB (Dr. K - our favorite!) came to check on me and the anesthesiologist came back and both relayed that they'd checked the literature and what I was experiencing was likely an uncommon but not terribly concerning reaction to the narcotics in the epidural. The anesthesiologist said he'd never seen anything like it in the 20 years he'd been doing this. I told him, "Well you're welcome, now you've seen it." It was decided to continue to limit my meds and rotate me from side to side more frequently to prevent too much of the drug cocktail to settle on either side of my body. Crazy! This is an important part of the story, as by the time I actually delivered the baby, I think I had little to no pain relief. I felt everything!

Meanwhile, Dr. K broke my water to help things progress and I once again settled in to attempt to rest. I remember R watching contractions on the monitor as I started to feel more and could tell him when I felt a big one coming. My wonderful nurse kept checking on me and monitoring my cervical change: six, seven, eight, nine centimeters. It was almost time!

By the time I was at nine centimeters I felt very hot and uncomfortable. I said as much and the nurse kept checking my temperature orally (usually not long after I'd chomped some ice or gulped some Vitamin Water) and failed to note any fever, so we carried on. I was checked hourly and kept receiving the disappointing news that I was still at nine or - eventually - nine-and-a-half centimeters, but failed to make it beyond that point. I started to feel frustrated, but there was nothing to do but wait (and play a few rounds of Words With Friends, much to the confusion and chagrin of the members of my family I was playing against!).

It was soon time for a shift change and we had to bid a fond and appreciative farewell to the fantastic nurse who had been with us all day. Luckily, the nurse who took over was equally wonderful. I was in good hands that day. The new nurse noted how hot and uncomfortable I was, so she checked my temp again and found I was running a fever. Bad news. A maternal fever during labor usually dictates a stay in the special care nursery (NICU) for the baby, which would put a serious damper on my desires to have uninterrupted time to bond after delivery and to subsequently room in. The nurse and doctor discussed these implications with us while I cried and tried to resign myself to this outcome. They gave me Tylenol and applied cold compresses in an effort to bring down my fever and we soldiered on. I won't keep you in suspense: my fever went away before the baby was born, which proved the saving grace in this story. The baby's lack of fever and any other complications when she was born meant the extra measures were unnecessary. As a result, we were allowed to snuggle the baby uninterrupted for at least an hour after her birth and she was able to go to and stay in our room during our entire stay. Crisis averted!

When the new nurse checked my progress, I was still at 9.5 cm. She felt there was a small enough lip left that if she and/or the doctor helped nudge it out of the way, I might be able to start pushing. I tried a few practice pushes, Dr. K approved the complete nature of my cervix and by 8:00 p.m. it was finally time to go!

I pushed. I pushed and pushed and pushed. I applied everything I'd ever seen or read about pushing to my own efforts and, based on the nurse's encouragement and feedback, I expected we'd have our baby within the hour. Labor was hard and painful, but pushing - actually moving the baby down and out - was the hardest work I've ever done in my life. At the same time, it was a physical and mental relief to do hard work and to feel like I was somewhat in control.

At one point the nurse pulled a light down from the ceiling and had R watch during a push so he could see the baby's head, which I assumed meant it was almost the end. I pushed twice as hard. I pushed with what was left of my strength. I knew the end must be near, which gave me strength to keep going. Except, as it turned out, the end wasn't so near after all.

After an hour of pushing, I started to feel frustrated that in spite of the nurse's encouragement and praise of my efforts, I hadn't heard her really acknowledge much progress. I kept waiting for her to say that I was crowning, to call in the doctor, to let me reach down and feel the baby's head. I was on pitocin by this time in order to increase the intensity and regularity of my contractions, in the hope that it would aid my pushing. Just wanting it to end, I struggled and I pushed, submitting to whatever positions and suggestions the nurse brought forward. I pushed while on my back, I pushed while on my side, and I pushed while pulling on a knotted bed sheet wrapped around a birthing bar above the bed. There was nothing to do except continue to push, so I did.

As the minutes ticked by, I became increasingly exhausted and frustrated. I started to cry. I began to verbalize my despair, telling the nurse I didn't believe that I was doing well, asking how much longer I had to push, expressing how very, very tired I was becoming. I cried more and more, tears streaming down my face between pushes. I became desperate and turned to R. "I can't do this. I just don't think I can do this anymore. I'm so tired. I'm so weak. I need help. Please get me help. Please, please, I just need help."

In spite of it all, the contractions continued and I had to push again and again. Finally the nurse went to confer with Dr. K. After a few minutes, he swept in and said, "What do you say we get this baby out?" I was so happy and relieved, I think I would have agreed to anything (even though I didn't really know what he intended to do). While he set to work getting the supplies he would need to deliver the baby, the special care nurses also came in, preparing to whisk the baby away after she was born.

The rest of the delivery went so quickly it seems like a blur. That said, here's what I do remember: Dr. K announced that he'd be using the vacuum extractor to help deliver the baby. I assumed this meant the baby would be pulled out with one more push. I was ready. Dr. K inserted the vacuum cup, which hurt. I shouted. I pushed and the doctor pulled with such fervor that he successfully yanked scream after scream from my throat. In spite of that, the baby still wasn't born! The doctor continued to pull with each contraction and I continued to push. Suddenly Dr. K moved quickly to "make some room" for the baby to exit (which also elicited a scream from me) and everyone in the room encouraged me to "push push push - she's almost here!" R told me if I looked down I could see her head, but I shouted, "I don't want to!" With that, I pushed until I felt a slippery rush and immediate wave of relief: she was born! At 10:10 p.m. on Saturday, December 24, 2011, our daughter was alive and squawking and in the world!

I held her and cried and - in complete awe - declared her Absolutely Perfect. Gorgeous. Incredible. She cried in return, a throaty, hearty scream, and she looked straight at us. We told her that she was Evelyn Esther and were her Mama and Daddy. I hugged her. I kissed her. I kissed R. I marveled at our daughter's delicate perfection. I was so in love, so immediately and fiercely in love with this tiny person whom I already knew so well and yet was discovering for the first time. I nearly burst with pride, gratitude, and pure, sparkling joy. This was my baby. My daughter. The very best of me and R, knitted together into a unique and wonderful tiny person too perfect for words.

Even now, eight weeks later(!), I'm overwhelmed by the emotions from that day. There really aren't words to adequately describe the intensity of the moment. It's unlike any other experience and unless one has lived it, I think it is impossible to comprehend. It was absolutely magical and will forever be one of the single most incredible moments of my life.

A few updates from our second week

The divine Miss E has been a delight in her second week of life. After struggling with so many challenges during the first week (namely, her worrisome weight loss and our challenges with breastfeeding), she is like a new baby now! She's plump and healthy, eats remarkably well, sleeps like a champion for 3-4 hours at a time, and lights up our life with her funny newborn sounds, faces, and tricks. A few favorites:

• Bless you! E is a double-sneezer! She sneezes a fair amount, and always at least twice. Her record so far is five sneezes in a row. It makes us laugh every time, and we secretly hope she always does this - it's really cute!
• Grumpy Old Men: E struggles to wake up when she's been sleeping soundly. In order to do so, she arches her back, tosses her head around with her eyes squeezed shut and makes grunting, grumbling sounds, often flailing her arms around in the process. It cracks us up, as she seems like your typical grumpy old man when she does this! R has given me the task of capturing this routine on video for posterity's sake... I'll share here when I do.
• Say Cheese! Again, I know newborns "can't" consciously smile, but ours does! No joke, either, it's the cutest single thing in the entire world. With her one giant dimple, her slightly open mouth and her pink gums, I have to refrain from completely devouring her every time she bestows that charming grin on me.

• I See You: E's latest very cool trick is to lock eyes on our faces and follow us around. Previously, she seemed to be "stuck" looking at whatever her eyes decided to land on, but now it seems she can willingly follow objects that interest her. Luckily, said objects tend to be her parents, occasionally her puppies, and anything that's shiny (e.g., the lights on the Christmas tree that *still* stands in our living room). She also really loves to stare at the fabric circles hanging on the wall above her changing table while having her diaper changed. I never pictured myself excitedly carrying on conversations about "the pretty circles," but it's one of my favorite things to talk to her about now because she is clearly interested in them.

What else? Let's see...

• E had her newborn photos taken this past weekend and we've just received our first peek at the resulting images. They are lovely! The photographer - Gwendolyn Waite - used only natural light in her beautiful Minneapolis loft studio and captured the simple beauty of our baby girl. Here's a link to the blog post with E's pictures.
• We began a six-week New Mama class this week and E slept through the entire class like a champ. She's one of the younger babies in the class (the babies ranged from two to six weeks) and one of only three girls (out of nine)! The class lasts for two hours every Monday. The moms all sit on the floor in a circle holding or nursing babies and discussing our experiences with various topics related to our babies. In the first week each of us shared stories about our pregnancy, labor & delivery, and first weeks at home. It was really enlightening and cathartic to hear similarities in experiences. It confirmed for me that my labor and delivery were pretty rough but not as bad as they could have been! I'm looking forward to getting to know these other moms better and watching our babies grow and change over the next several weeks - if nothing else, it's a great reason to get out of the house!
• E's two-week well baby appointment was also Monday. She's one healthy, happy girl! We were cleared to stop waking her for feedings during the night because she's eating so well and can just let us know when she's hungry - here's hoping that will translate into longer stretches of sleep at night! Her weight was the issue we were most interested in discussing at this appointment. Here was the trend in E's weight:
• 12/24: 9 pounds, 3 ounces (born)
• 12/26: 8 pounds, 11 ounces (discharged from hospital)
• 12/27: 8 pounds, 3 ounces (went to CNP/lactation consultant out of desperation)
• 12/28: 8 pounds, 1.5 ounces (follow-up visit to CNP)
• 12/29: 8 pounds, 6.5 ounces (home health nurse visit)
• 12/30: 8 pounds, 9 ounces (one more follow-up visit)

And these were E's stats at two weeks and two days (1/9/12):

• Weight: 9 pounds, 9 ounces (95-97%)
• Length: 21.5 inches (90-95%)
• Head circumference: 14.5 inches (75-90%)
• R went back to work on Tuesday (1/10) and E and I spent the day cleaning the house. We did laundry, tidied, dusted and vacuumed, changed bedding, deep-cleaned the bathroom and then we were exhausted. We also went for a walk because it was outrageously, unseasonably warm (52 degrees!). Afterward, I was ready for a nap, but E decided it was a good idea to stay awake... forever. Lesson learned: rest when possible and don't overdo it!
• E and I visited my office yesterday (1/11). We had lunch with a few girlfriends and met my team members. Somehow - and I don't know how - we were there for almost three hours! Afterward, I was tired but we had to get some groceries. E slept like a little angel during our quick sweep through Whole Foods, but as soon as we got in the car, she started a screaming meltdown that lasted all the way home. I hated to feel so helpless to soothe her while trapped in the driver's seat! Once we were home I had to ferry baby, diaper bag, stroller, groceries and mail/packages from the office inside, then had to decide between putting away the groceries and feeding the poor baby. I chose the baby! After feeding and laying her down (blissfully asleep), I quickly dealt with the groceries and puppies and hurried to the sofa to collapse and hopefully nap for a few minutes. As soon as I laid down, E woke up fussy - this child has a sixth sense! She was then awake for the remainder of the evening and I was completely wiped out by the time bedtime rolled around. Remember the lesson from the previous day? I relearned it yesterday. Seriously, don't overdo it! Rest when you can!

We had a good night last night and I'm planning to actually lay low today. We'll see how it goes! R's parents arrive to meet Baby E tomorrow - we can't wait! More on that in the next post. For now, the baby's sleeping so I think that means it's time for me to sleep!

Our First Week: Ten Things

1. Evelyn Esther is our daughter's name. We chose it first and foremost because it is the beautiful and dignified name that was written on our hearts for this child for a long time. Evelyn is a tricky name etymologically, but some sources say it means "desired" and no baby was more longed-for than this little girl! We also liked that it incorporated a nod to Lynn, my middle name and a name that many women in my family share. Esther was an easy middle name to choose, as it is my beloved grandmother's middle name and it means "star" - pretty perfect for a baby born on Christmas Eve! Finally, her initials are EEB, which she shares with her paternal grandfather - a special nod to someone with whom she almost shared a birthday (but thank goodness she didn't decide to wait the four days necessary to do so, as I was so eager to have her out!!). Many have asked us about the baby's name, so there's the back story!
2. There is no smell on earth more delicious than that of my baby's head. Covered in downy, fluffy black hair, I wish I could sit and sniff her all day long. That, and nibble on her toes, kiss her perfect ears, and snuggle her tiny, soft body. I want to remember everything about the amazing and perfect tiny person that she is right now. I've never been so instantly in love.
3. Newborns can't consciously smile, I know they can't, but I swear E does and it shatters my heart into a million tiny pieces every time she does. She has one giant dimple on the lower part of her right cheek and I'm telling you now, this girl will be dangerous when she flashes her smile in the future!
4. R is a natural as a dad and don't tell him I told you, but he's over the moon for his little girl. Hearing him talk to her like an adult (but in a sweet and doting way) makes me smile every time. I think his favorite word to describe her is precious, and he's right! One favorite memory from this week: R was a little vigorous with the diaper ointment one day and E ended up with what looked like a white paste diaper. R sort of mournfully looked at me and exclaimed, "I made her butt look like a lifeguard's nose!" I laughed so hard I cried!
5. I am notorious for nicknaming the people in my life that I love, though the nicknames usually fly fast and furious (i.e., I seldom stick with them). E already has a few nicknames from me: Squeaks or Squeaker, because of the sounds she made a lot in those first few days, and lately I've taken to calling her Birdie because she chirps like a little bird all the time. Also, she gives a scream when she's angry that sounds uncannily like an eagle. Interestingly, one of the other thoughts on the meaning of Evelyn is that it's from French and Latin origins and means 'bird" or "little bird" - very fitting!
6. E had some challenges during her first week of life, losing weight faster and more dramatically than is healthy. We had four appointments in four days this week to get some help with this problem and - to make a long story short - we're now in the clear! Baby E is eating, pooping and gaining weight like a champ. (Side note: a lactation consultant we met with a few times this week referred to E as a "barracuda baby" because she's got such a strong, powerful latch and sucks with authority!) She's a pretty amazing baby and we're so relieved to see her thriving.
7. We've noticed that E is a remarkably strong baby. She lifts and throws her head around during tummy time and she can tuck and roll from her back onto her side. It's vaguely terrifying, as we thought newborns weren't able to do these tasks, but we've been told by several medical professionals that big babies are often very strong babies and will hit many milestones early. So, although I've been joking all along that E will be an overachiever, it seems to be true!
8. The puppies are equal parts smitten with and taken aback by the baby. They run to her at every chirp and coo, they watch her carefully, and they love to gently sniff and tentatively lick her in an effort to place what she is. The other day, E lay quietly awake in her crib and then started hiccuping. Cooper ran into her room, watched her - tilting his head from side to side with curiosity - then gave one startled "BARK!" They dote on her already, but I think it will take some time for them to figure her out!
9. Allow me to be selfish for a moment and talk about myself rather than the baby: in the one week since E was born, I have lost 30 pounds (*shh* I know those were the easy pounds to lose!) and - most exciting of all - I have ankles again! I sometimes sit holding the baby and staring at my slender ankles, as I truly do not recognize them as my own! I'm starting to feel so human again! Knowing how much I want to get back to pre-baby shape, R gifted me personal training sessions at our gym. I have to be cleared by the doctor to start working out, but I am really excited for and motivated by this goal!
10. We are tired. So, so tired. Although it is New Year's Eve and we expected to be wide awake with the baby at midnight, with any luck we will all be sound asleep. That said, here are my thoughts to close out the year: 2011 was the best year of our lives so far because it brought us our incredible daughter. I cherish every memory and moment of carrying her, but I am so relieved to have her here with us in the world now. I cannot wait to dive into 2012 and watch her grow, change and become the person she will be. We are so blessed by this baby!

And then there were three!

We welcomed Evelyn Esther to the world on Saturday, December 24, 2011 at 10:10 p.m. She weighed in at 9 pounds, 3 ounces and was 21.5 inches long. She is just perfect in every way and we feel so blessed to have her in our lives and as a part of our family.

We will share the story of her arrival here when we have a few free minutes. In the meantime, here are some photos of Evelyn's first days!

Thirty-Nine Weeks

I'll cut to the chase this week: we're still waiting for the baby! We made it through Week 39 without many signs that our daughter is interested in making her appearance, much to my chagrin. I was very hopeful that she'd arrive by or before her due date, so every day that passes has chipped away at my good humor. I find myself increasingly short and frustrated, but am trying hard to stay in the moment and trust that this baby will come when she's good and ready. I said all of that in part to capture my current mindset (there's a not-insignificant part of me that believes I'll go on being pregnant forever), but also to set up the explanation for this week's bump photos... first though, how about some highlights from the week?

• Farewell to Work: The first day of Week 39 was my last day of work! I'm on vacation until the baby comes, at which time my 12 weeks of maternity leave begin. R started vacation this week as well, also until the baby comes, after which time he's taking another couple of weeks to spend with us. It's so nice to have the mental separation from work to really start preparing for this baby. There have been errands to run and things we needed to do around the house, but more than that, we are trying to just soak in these moments and memories before everything changes for good!
• Christmas Cheer: I intended to skip holiday baking this year, but after a frustrating Week 39 doctor appointment, R suggested we collaborate on some sweets to help pass the time. I picked two simple recipes (dark and white chocolate peppermint bark and frosted sugar cookies) and lo and behold, it's beginning to seem a lot more like Christmas around here! (Bonus: it has been a balm to my discouraged soul to have a little sweet treat before bed most evenings - yum!)
• Stocked and Ready: In what is perhaps the truest form of nesting so far, R and I spent hours over the past few days preparing meals for our freezer. We have 30+ servings of various healthy and hearty foods carefully wrapped, labeled and waiting in the deep freezer in the basement. It should make eating foods we like and feel good about easier during the haze of those first few days. It was such a satisfying feeling that I sort of wish we'd started being this organized and proactive a long time ago!
• Capture the Moment: R and I had a casual and sweet maternity photo shoot this week. We have some surprisingly lovely natural morning light in the house, so I was able to be comfortable and enjoy the cozy surroundings in which I've spent so much of the past 10 months growing this baby. R shared a preview with me of some of the images he captured and I'm so glad we took the time to do it. Once he has time to process the photos, I'll be sure to share. It's nice to have a few more sweet and sentimental images to share with the baby someday!
• Waiting Game: And that's it - we're just waiting! I spend much of each day resting, napping, running errands, tackling a project here and there and analyzing every twinge, ache and contraction for a sign that labor is starting. I simultaneously want this baby out immediately and am a little intimidated by how much things are about to change once she's out here in the world with us. That tiny little sliver of fear is what keeps me sane when day after day slowly tiptoes by without any signs of progress... I think that's what they mean when they say "a healthy dose of fear." Anyway, we are trying to take each day as it comes and patiently wait for the day that will forever after be one of the most important days of our life.

Okay, on to the tracker and the aforementioned photos...

Week: 39

Weight: +42 pounds (in total)

Baby is the Size of a(n): a mini watermelon!! My original plan was to use the watermelon for Week 40, but we ran into a few issues: 1) watermelon are hard to come by this time of year, especially of a size large enough to represent a full-term baby and 2) I really did think I would have the baby before we got to Week 40 and we'd miss the chance to do the watermelon photo! Alas, that didn't quite turn out as planned!

Symptoms: frequently hungry, terrible abdominal cramps, really achy pelvis (SPD), breathlessness, outrageously swollen feet, mental lapses, wacky dreams, trouble sleeping comfortably through the night, general moodiness (noteworthy breakdown this week: total sobbing and incoherent meltdown while walking the dogs with R one night because I'm *still* pregnant and was convinced that I might be pregnant forever...), carpal tunnel tingling and numbness in my hands and arms at night, frequent (though not painful) contractions, and a fair amount of pain in response to the baby's strong, emphatic movements

Current Obsession: citrus fruit, milk, fresh vegetables, peppermint and protein, protein, protein!

Current Aversion: the Arby's Reuben sandwich commercials... so gross.

Thinking About: who our little girl will take after; seeing the actual little elbows, knees, hands and feet she's using to poke and jab at me; what labor and delivery will be like; and when our daughter's birthday might be!

Picture(s): 

Thirty-Eight Weeks

It's pretty shocking to realize that we hit single-digit days on the countdown this week! The baby's arrival is so close I can feel it (literally), and we are ready in so many ways. I'll explain further in this week's highlights:

• Showered with Love: Baby Girl was the lucky recipient of not one but two generous and fun showers this week! The first was thrown by a group of colleagues-turned-girlfriends. They had sweetly planned games (a celebrity parents & babies guessing game and Baby Catch Phrase!), a delectable ice cream cake, and really thoughtful gifts! The baby received her Boppy, her going-home outfit (see below - too cute not to share!), some stroller toys and books - so many useful and special items. Those ladies, each and every one of them, are keepers. 

The next day, my current team at work threw a big shower for us, and R was even able to attend! For a game, every team member guessed the baby's birth date, weight and name, which have been so amusing to read. We had a Pizza Luce feast for lunch, a scrumptious and adorable cake, fun (and funny!) conversation, and more sweet gifts. This time we received our diaper disposal system, diaper bag, some bath and first aid items, and some really cute outfits and books for the baby. Again, I just cannot overstate how thoughtful, generous and kind my friends and colleagues are. I appreciate them all and cannot wait to share the big news of the baby's arrival soon!

• Locked and Loaded: Two meanings for this particular highlight!
• I can't remember if I have shared this already, but we received nearly ten different shipments of baby supplies this week! The multitude of boxes contained everything from a bath tub and hooded towels to diapers and a cozy car seat cover, not to mention several items I will need for nursing the baby. After washing, folding and putting everything away, we officially have all of the bringing-baby-home essentials ready to go! That means this little girl can come any time she darn well pleases now... hopefully it pleases her to come sooner rather than later!!
• As mentioned last week, we had an ultrasound scheduled for this week to confirm the baby's position. It was with much excitement and a tiny bit of trepidation that we settled in for one last prenatal look at our baby. (I felt fairly confident that the baby was in position, so I wasn't overly worried). Immediately, the sonographer announced, "There's a head! Baby is head down!" and we could breathe easier. After that, it was fun! We were able to get some images of her profile (including some thumb sucking!), head-on photos of her chubby cheeks, button nose and pouty lips, and confirmation that she is - in fact - still a girl (at which point R really started breathing easier). We watched her perfect little heart beat fast and furious (at just shy of 140 bpm), which I would happily sit and admire all day. Finally, the placenta position and amniotic fluid were measured (all good) and we were on our merry way, photos in hand! We visited with the CNP who confirmed that all continues to be well with the baby, so we can just continue to wait for her to arrive now... again, we're ready!
• Old Wives Tales: Given how ready we feel, I'm suddenly very open to hearing about and (within reason) trying various old wives tales to encourage the baby to make her appearance. This week, two in particular lined up beautifully: a full moon and a dinner party with R's colleagues wherein the hostess served some spicy green beans that have purportedly resulted in three previous dinner party guests going into labor! In spite of a generous helping of said green beans (which were delicious!), I woke up still decidedly pregnant this morning... ah well. I continue to sit, squirm and bounce on my exercise ball several times a day and take nightly walks with R and the dogs, but so far nothing seems to be encouraging this little girl to make her big debut. We'll see what this week brings!
• Farewell Work (Clothes): I have 3-4 days left to tie up work loose ends, after which I am on vacation until the baby comes. I have made plans to work from home for those days and it's not an exaggeration to say that I am giddy at the prospect. Waking up early every day, getting ready, squeezing my gigantic feet into painfully uncomfortable professional shoes, and dragging my exhausted body to the office was starting to take an unpleasant toll on me. In fact, at my Week 38 appointment, I mentioned how bad my feet and ankles have become to the CNP and, as I showed them to her, she gasped and said, "I'm not going to lie to you, that's a really bad case of edema!" I don't think most people would believe how horrifying my lower extremities have become, so I've asked R to take some photos. I certainly won't be posting them anywhere (you're welcome), but I just need photographic evidence so I don't forget! I said all of that to say that sitting with my feet up for the week is the perfect way to close out this pre-baby chapter of my career.

I have a few nursery projects still to share (the gorgeous handmade quilt from my Mom and the pretty snazzy changing pad tray that R built for the dresser), but we haven't yet taken pictures of them... stay tuned! Until then, enjoy this week's tracker and photos and check back next week for updates.

Week: 38

Weight: +40 pounds (in total) and I'm okay with that... the end is near!

Baby is the Size of a(n): a stalk of celery (19.6" from head to heel; she's also getting heavier: 6.8 pounds (according to averages))

Symptoms: frequently hungry (R is impressed with my insatiable appetite, though I suspect he's not necessarily impressed in a good way!), heavy and full belly pains, really achy pelvis (SPD), breathlessness, outrageously swollen feet, mental lapses, wacky dreams, trouble sleeping comfortably through the night, general moodiness (noteworthy breakdown this week: cried in response to a commercial again, though I don't even remember which one...), carpal tunnel tingling and numbness in my hands and arms at night, and a fair amount of pain in response to the baby's strong, emphatic movements

Current Obsession: citrus fruit, milk, vegetables and protein, protein, protein!

Current Aversion: pretty much nothing...

Thinking About: who our little girl will take after; seeing the actual little elbows, knees, hands and feet she's using to poke and jab at me; friends' guesses in our Baby Pool; and when her birthday might be!

Picture(s): 

Thirty-Seven Weeks

It seems the milestones are flying fast and furious lately! 37 weeks means the baby is officially full-term and can safely come whenever she wants... key phrase there: whenever she wants. We just don't know when that will be, so now we wait! There's plenty for us to do while waiting, though. Some of the highlights from this week included:

• A Fine Tradition: A few years ago, R and I started making trips in December to the Käthe Wohlfahrt store in Stillwater, MN. It's the only U.S. location of a lovely little German Christmas store with delicate and detailed handmade wooden ornaments and other charming decorations. We purchased 10 ornaments our first year, and now we go back every year to add a few more to our collection. Those ornaments and some really cute felt ornaments are all that we put on our tree... it's fun to see it fill up a little more every year, and the time we spend together on these little jaunts is very special to me. We went this weekend and in addition to some other adorable finds, we added one very special ornament this year!

• It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas: As we left the Christmas store in Stillwater, big fat snowflakes began falling and continued through the night. When we made it home, we finally put up our Christmas decorations while the snow softly and quietly piled up. Sitting in our cozy living room now with the tree twinkling and the stockings hanging by the chimney, I'm thinking the only thing missing is a sweet baby to hold and sing Christmas carols to. (Side note: I relate to the song "(Baby) All I Want for Christmas is You" a whole lot more than usual!) No matter what happens this year - whether the baby arrives before or after Christmas - our holidays will never be the same! So much of the magic of the season is best experienced through the innocent joy of kids and I can't wait to see and share that with our daughter in the years to come.
• Stocked and Ready: Because we are feeling the pressure of being so close to the end of this pregnancy, R and I went on a buying spree this week and ordered or purchased the last of the necessities for the baby's arrival. By Wednesday of this week we should have all of the diapers, blankets, towels, first aid products, bath items and nursing supplies we could initially need. What's more, we purchased the remaining items I need for my hospital bag(s), so by 38 weeks we should be all set to grab a bag and head for the hospital at the drop of a hat (though I suspect we'll have a fair amount  of warning). It's nice to at least feel like we're physically ready for the baby... the rest will hopefully happen one day at a time once she's here!
• Flipping Out: So the (only) big surprise from this week's OB appointment was some uncertainty by the C.N.P. we saw as to whether the baby is head down or possibly breech. All along, the doctors have been asserting that she's been head down, but the C.N.P. was unconvinced. As such, we now have an ultrasound scheduled at our Week 38 appointment to check the baby's position. We're sure hoping the baby is oriented correctly, as we'd like to avoid the discomfort of attempting an external version or a scheduled C-section. As crazy as it sounds, I'd like to experience labor! I'm not terribly concerned, as I still think she is head down, but we'll feel much better after seeing for ourselves next week! (Also, getting to see the baby once more before delivery is an unexpected bonus!) More to come as we learn more...

And with that, I'm sleepy and my *last* pre-baby week in the office starts bright and early tomorrow. Time for the tracker!

Week: 37

Weight: +37 pounds (in total) - the C.N.P. reassured me this week that several of those pounds are likely water weight from all of my swelling (you guys, the swelling is SO gross!!), so not to stress about this too much. I'm trying!

Baby is the Size of a(n): a stalk of kale (just over 19" from head to heel; thank goodness we're briefly flipping back to length instead of weight, as she's weighing in at approximately 6 1/3 pounds this week (according to averages))

Symptoms: frequently hungry, heavy and full belly pains, really achy pelvis (SPD), extreme shortness of breath, outrageously swollen feet, mental lapses, wacky dreams, trouble sleeping comfortably through the night, general moodiness (noteworthy breakdown this week: ended up staying rather late at work one night this week and cried mournful, hungry, overwhelmed tears all the way home - woe is me!), and a fair amount of pain in response to the baby's strong, emphatic movements

Current Obsession: fruit, milk, and anything from Victory 44 (we met some dear friends there for breakfast this morning - what a treat!)... that's pretty much it! I'm forcing down a fair amount of protein lately, as I understand it to be quite important at this point for the baby's brain development. 

Current Aversion: not much (we even had salmon for dinner tonight - unheard of)!

Thinking About: who our little girl will take after; seeing the actual little elbows, knees, hands and feet she's using to poke and jab at me; securing a pediatrician; having our car seat installation checked for safety; writing some thank you notes; packing a hospital bag; and encouraging this kiddo to get and stay head down!

Picture(s):